


When It's Time to Go

by Mourning Star (diachronicChthonian)



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Brotherly Love, Families of Choice, Family Drama, Gen, Growing Up, Lukas does know what feelings are he just doesn't feel things quite the same way anyone at all does, Lukas is no different, M/M, Mathias tries so hard but just doesn't quite understand, Moving On, Moving Out, One-sided narrative, Platonic Life Partners, Platonic Relationships, Realistic, Relationship of Convenience, Returning Home, Separations, Slice of Life, Unhappy Ending, nobody feels love quite the way Mathias does, nothing is ever really over, one-sided affection, real life doesn't go the way you want it to or think it should, things taken from their natural habitat will want to return eventually, well as realistic as buying a bar with your druglord buddy's money gets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 06:49:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20385445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diachronicChthonian/pseuds/Mourning%20Star
Summary: There are things in this life that are out of our control, like who we fall in love with, and when it's time to go.--Not all love can be described by words alone.  Mathias's love never could.  Lukas needed him, and he was there, and he will always be there.  He'll have a mid-life crisis in his thirties and buy a bar and try desperately (and possibly unnecessarily) to get Lukas through the pain of empty nesting, and he will still be right there.  What happens to a makeshift family when the child flies the coop.OrChildren of the primeval forest could only bear the outside world so long.  Once a little boy stole a pair of elves from their natural habitat.  One day they would want to go home.  Someday, he would have to return them.





	When It's Time to Go

**Author's Note:**

> Title and quote taken from 'One Last Time' by Dusty Drake, a heartbreaking song based off a phone transcript from the 9/11 plane crashes. The line used takes on a completely different meaning in this fic and I intend no disrespect to the memories or families of those who perished. This piece was written of an evening in which that line and how perfectly it correlated to a future plot point in an RP universe with a friend currently away and leaving me to my own devices simply could not be put out of my head. Leaving me to my own devices often results in long exposes, but usually not quite like this. 
> 
> Contextual notes:  
Mathias and Lukas have known each other since they were 8 and 6 respectively when Guðrún Vetrliðadóttir (Scandinavia) moved Lukas to Denmark and ended up next door to Mathias.  
Emil here is Lukas's half-brother, born when he was 16. Guðrún passed away in the summer just after Lukas turned 19 and was set to leave for university, so he cancelled all his plans in order to raise his younger brother. With no degree and no real experience Lukas had no means to support the two of them for long and they were soon forced to seek refuge with Mathias, who officially adopted Emil so that they could live in military housing together. Lukas managed all of Mathias's (and the family's) finances. After Emil was in school and wouldn't negate wages earned with the cost of childcare Lukas got a job of his own.  
Mathias remained in the military after conscription and became part of the jægerkorpset until he was injured on tour at the age of 25. He was temporarily paralysed from the waist down and permanently lost vision in his left eye with diminished hearing in his left ear. After recovery he stayed on with the military as a trainer.  
The jægerkorpset train closely with the SAS so they lived in the UK for a spell whilst Mathias was in active service. It is where they were living when he was injured.  
Mathias tried to give Lukas a ring one year but stupidly did it on Valentine's Day so Lukas took it for a joke and refused to accept it. They share a bed and bedroom but that's more because Mathias has been squeezing himself onto Lukas's bed since night #1 thirty years ago rather than anything else. Mathias tells everyone they're lovers and Lukas informs that it's actually completely the opposite; no one knows what's going on inside their walls but them (which is not a lot).  
Lars runs an international drug business and tends to appear in locations to which Mathias has been transferred not long thereafter. They've been buddies almost as long as Lukas has had to put up with Mathias.

  


> _There are some things in this life that are out of our control, like who we fall in love with, and when it's time to go._

Summer 2027. Emil, 18. Mathias, 36. Lukas, 34. 

Life was hitting Mathias hard this year. Last year had been a triumph. Last year had marked ten years since his life had taken a drastic swing to the left. Not a turn for the worse, no. Not really. Because even though it had been a decade since his world had changed and he'd lost any chance of going out in a blaze of glory, he'd had Lukas in a way he'd never had him before. He'd had family. And he'd been given the chance to stay with them, to not have to go away, to watch Emil grow up out of the eye that he'd been granted retention of sight to use just for that. He'd gotten his legs back, even. So the trials of ten years ago were balanced and maybe even outweighed by the same year's triumphs, and those trials hadn't taken Mathias's optimism so it was the triumphs that he remembered best. 

But that was last year.

Now all the fun anniversaries were over. Now Mathias was standing on his own two legs, staring out his own good eye, hearing with his own good ear Emil getting ready to pack up and abandon them for his own good life. 

Last year, they'd been a family a family strong as ever. But Lukas never did let Mathias tie any knots with him and this year that single, solitary, legally-binding document went null and void because this year Emil ceased requiring a legal guardian. This year, Emil left. Was leaving. Would be leaving in the very immediate future and Mathias was really rather not okay at all with that.

He was getting old. He had to be, his kid flying the coop. He could feel it in his bones. Sure, Mathias had gotten his legs back, and after a year or two even recovered most of his energy, but that had only lasted a few years of its own before life started to wane naturally. He got achey if he stayed in one position too long, and at the end of the day he was too tired to want to party. Drink, sure, he wasn't _that_ far gone--and would beg for death if ever that day came!--but drink from a comfy seat or booth, not dancing on the middle of the floor. This was awful! Getting old was the worst. Plus, while Hjort had been killed a few years ago now, Pallesen and Østergård from their same intake were only retiring at the close of the year. That was a lot of time Mathias had missed out on and now he was going to get grey and wrinkly.

Lukas was still as beautiful as ever, which also didn't help. The only creases in his skin were a few from his ever-disapproving expressions, and they weren't even deep. At all. Like, they still basically weren't visible when his face was neutral. And he still didn't have any greys. Sure, his hair was so pale he might never, but still. It wasn't fair. Mathias could feel himself getting older next to Lukas. He could feel age sending him backwards from where he'd so forcefully pulled himself back up. He'd had to retire so young he felt practically ancient now, even if all the young bucks were catching up.

They were even there in the bars! Having their fun, colluding, taking all the girls... Nobody ever came trick-or-treating; when else could he have fun? Never! And Mathias could _hear_ himself old-man-off-my-lawn-ing, which made it even worse. But they'd been back in Denmark a long while now and that meant he'd left his sexy, backwards car behind even longer ago and a new bike (best thing in the world, he'd never say a word against it, but...) showed off to the bros a lot more than the hos. 

So... well, that advert in that window really couldn't have been anything else but serendipity, could it?

Middle of the day, out for a ride, trying desperately to live his younger days and mostly pretending that Emil wasn't currently packing everything he owned into boxes including all the stuff that _was not even going with him, why, there was no need to burn the bridge from T-0!_ It was working. Definitely. (Not.) That was Mathias. That had been Mathias most of the summer. And then... well. Clearly someone was smiling down on him from above, because the clouds split open at just the right spot and the sun highlighted just that one window with that one piece of paper inside.

'**_BAR FOR SALE_**

ALL stock included'

Mathias skidded to a stop and didn't take out anyone behind him because he still had game, excuse you Lukas, he had never been a disaster on a bike. He came to a very well-executed sudden stop and studied that sign in the window. What could be better? Who needed anything when they owned a bar? Booze all around! Free drinks! Girls flocking to him because he could deliver! This was a dream come true. And all the stock included in the asking price, and that price looked ridiculously cheap because the owners didn't want the business to fold but for personal reasons couldn't stay on themselves... Manna from Heaven, that was what this had to be.

Mathias snapped a picture of the sign and the price and did an immediate about-face home. Who cared if Emil was packing all his things so his bedroom wouldn't even be his anymore? They were going to own a bar! And that would bring _all_ the college kids; Emil would never leave! 

(Nevermind that Emil was anything but a partier or social drinker. Nevermind that he would loathe the existence of a family bar and the people that it would attract and that it would absolutely do nothing but encourage him to never use that bedroom again. They were going to have a bar!)

* * *

"No."

Dumbfounded shock. Dumbfounded silence. It had to say something how even after all these years Mathias had never anticipated Lukas not agreeing.

"Wha-- But-- How?? It's a bar, Lukas! With all the stock! For no more than the price of the lot because the owners just don't want it to fold! C'mon, how can you say no, this is like being handed keys to the kingdom for giving them a rock!"

"No," Lukas repeated, in all was exactly equal to his first iteration. Mathias just didn't get it.

"But it's just there for the taking! It's not even far, I rode back in like seven minutes. It'd be perfect to oversee and everything is already ready for us; it wouldn't need a thing to start with; why not?"

Now a scathing look was levelled at Mathias from over Lukas's coffee cup. Look, there was that little line that still hadn't marred his skin properly! "We're not even 40 yet. _You're_ not even 40 yet, idiot; you're too young for a mid-life crisis and you have a _real_ job already."

"Hey, I was meant to die like ten years ago; I shouldn't have even lived this long! This is like, an afterlife crisis if anything _but wait_ it's not because I'm _not_ having a mid-life crisis; this is a real business opportunity!"

"You shouldn't have even lived through childhood," Lukas muttered under his breath, "the answer is _no_. You are not taking all of our money to leave your actual job and buy a _bar_."

"C'mon, Lukas, look at it this way! I'll finally leave the military! You wouldn't have to put up with the uniforms, or the sweat, the orders, or the posturing..."

"We haven't lived on-base since we returned to Denmark. The only military I put up with lately is _you_ and replacing a wardrobe segregation between sweaty uniforms and civilised, clean regular clothing with sticky, alcohol-and-sweat-soaked _everything_ is very much the opposite to a benefit."

"But Lukas..."

_"No_, Mathias. How many times do I have to say it? You. Are not. Buying. A. Bar."

Mathias gave his best kicked puppy look, but something which had never been at all effective had really only worsened with age, and he had to leave the kitchen persuasion unsuccessful. He also had to walk past Emil's bedroom where he could hear the sorting and had to remember that he was being abandoned. Urgh! Journey completely wasted!

* * *

There was only one thing to do. 

  


The sign had still been in the window when Mathias went by the next day, and failed to convince Lukas at dinner, and the next, when he decided to give Lukas a break, and the next, when he didn't get a chance to ask again, and then when he tried again the day after that Lukas not-so-verbally threatened to render him incapable of something other than just asking one more time. That was without doubt a dead end. Mathias would rather like to keep those bits, thanks.

And since Lukas was so very done with him, he was not welcome in the bed that night (as had not taken long to once again be regularly the case as soon as Mathias was back to walking and independence), which meant he may as well give in and make a deal with the devil. He'd be sleeping in Hell regardless, so there was no point not asking.

Oh, but it rankled. He'd have to share with Lars! The pain, the charges... how would this ever succeed at a business if Lars was involved? Mathias would never be able to pay for supplies, let alone utilities or rent for the building and never even consider any costs of living _humans _required if he got a loan from Lars...

So it just wouldn't be a loan. Which was painful in a different way, but... full coffers, full stomachs. Full shelves of booze. Right. He'd cut Lars a deal, a deal he couldn't resist: if he helped pay for this bar, Mathias's bar, he'd have a permanent Danish base of operations free of charge, no questions asked. Who could resist?

...Lars, probably. He'd definitely have to offer a share of the profits too. How the hell was Mathias going to keep Lars from insisting on all the profits and being in the same place as if he'd just asked for a loan? Worse, even, because he wouldn't even have the chance of earnings to at some point stop paying Lars with. This was going to be a tough negotiation.

Mathias would have to find a way to finagle some money out of Lukas. He'd need to pay at least part of it himself. He had to, or else Lars would own the whole thing and probably make Mathias work there free and slave labour was illegal but so was everything else about Lars' life and no one had managed to stop him yet. But if he paid part of it himself he might just have enough ground to keep a small income and not end up having to live on the streets to avoid paying Lars rent for a floor which was meant to be his anyway when he got evicted from the house Lars prevented him from paying the bills for.

* * *

It was theirs. Somehow, even after all the pains of people for some reason not immediately jumping at the bit the way they ought to with a deal like that, no one else had beaten them to the bar (literally, sniggered a little voice which controlled most of Mathias's head) and they'd even managed to haggle down the already-ridiculously-low-for-all-it-included asking price. It was theirs. Mathias couldn't keep the proud grin off his face. He stood in the centre of the floor, hands on hips, just turning around and gazing with the biggest grin a man could grin across it all. His very own bar! For real! And he really would actually have some income because Lars really hadn't managed to completely screw him over!

Mathias was so proud. So, so proud. Lukas wouldn't let him come to bed with him for three days but Mathias scarcely even noticed the first two nights really because he slept in His New Bar! for the first and the second was on His New Scary Business Partner!'s floor. The third was on the couch in their house and then he had to tread carefully because it was just so hard not to be excited but Lukas was so unimpressed with him it was actually legitimately confusing. Mathias didn't understand why Lukas didn't begrudgingly come around. He'd never liked the military life, so why wasn't he pleased now that there really was something else? It was very disconcerting.

Emil left for Iceland (seriously, why, everything cost _so much_ and there was no way they could come to visit because he didn't have room on his floor and to stay a night in some shady inn would cost as much as a trip around the world! Twice!) before they opened the bar. They had a little facelifting and reconstructing to do (to allow for shady underground business deals). Stock did not mean staff, either, and the previous owners had had a family business. The few kids that had worked there had been students and none of them would be returning in the autumn, which meant it was just good ol' Mathias and his lazy lump Lars until they knew what was going on. But open the bar they did, in the end, and so great was Mathias's elation that he had no idea it really would be the end.

* * *

The bar had been open a few months. Not long. University in Iceland appeared to start in late August, as in Denmark it seemed to from the beginning of September, so their bar had been a bit late for the university students but it had all been fine. Some students had started making their way there now, but the lack of student awareness had meant a lot more locals appeared instead which was never a bad thing. Besides, with Lars' primary business they'd never had any worry about getting people in.

Lukas still wasn't happy. Mathias just didn't understand. He thought maybe it was too much at once; Lukas had put his entire life on hold for them. For Emil. He'd been enrolled in a university and preparing to go, planning on one last long family holiday together in Norway when everything changed. And then because he had to come to Mathias for help, because Mathias had it there to give but it came with the future he was already knee-deep in working on, Lukas hadn't had a choice. Mathias was already working on his dream future and it was the sort that would keep them afloat, which had meant there was not even a consideration of Mathias changing paths. No, instead Lukas had been relegated to nothing but a small job and raising his brother. He'd never made it to university. 

Mathias had brought it up, once. After he'd gotten back on his feet and they'd transferred back to Denmark, he'd suggested it. Sure, it wouldn't be Norway, but they had enough money with him being back in work and Emil being big enough not to need childcare. But that conversation hadn't gone well for reasons Mathias still didn't quite understand. He never tried again and Lukas never went.

Maybe that was why. Maybe it had been really rather insensitive of Mathias to go ahead and buy that bar. There he'd gone, chasing another dream, _succeeding_ at following it, when the reason Lukas had never gotten to follow his was heading off to do exactly what he never had. Emil was going to university. Emil was going to his homeland. Lukas had given everything up--further education, returning to his homeland, a career, the best years of his life--and now Emil was doing exactly what he hadn't been able to, and instead of offering him solace by leaving the work Lukas had always hated having to be part of Mathias had just rubbed it in because he'd done it following another dream the way Lukas never ever had.

How awful could he get?

Mathias didn't doubt that if he suggested Lukas try to go back again it would go down just as poorly as the last time. He wouldn't. But maybe...

He really ought not leave the bar at such a busy season, not when it would be the first chance to really earn that they'd ever had, but maybe Lars would understand. Emil didn't seem to want to come back to visit, after all, and Lukas always seemed to feel better there. He'd have to ask.

* * *

Things were a bit better after telling Lukas his plans. Lukas still wasn't happy, and Mathias didn't know what else he could do, but he had hope this would make a difference. So when December finally rolled around and the solstice was on the horizon he bid Lars and the bar farewell with some cheery warning instructions--"Don't bring the police down on us while I'm gone!" ... "Oh, and you better not drink up all the beer!"--and he and Lukas were on their way to Norway.

Lukas was very quiet. Lukas was always quiet, but this was a different sort of quiet. Mathias didn't know what was going on. He tried to help. He put his arm around Lukas's shoulders, took it away when that look of murder appeared, bought him coffee, set his hand out of view on his leg instead, almost had his fingers broken when Lukas made it clear that was also not helping... so Mathias had to give up. Even he ended up being quiet, as much as he could be; awkwardly shifting every few minutes or opening his mouth to say something and aborting. There was just some sort of aura pouring off Lukas that he couldn't get through and he didn't understand.

It was a relief when the journey was over and they finally arrived at the cabin. It was always this cabin. The one that Lukas and Ms. V. always went to when they came back for visits, the one they'd been at when it had become apparent she wasn't coming back with them, the one whose lake they'd sent her via to Hel. The one Mathias had brought them back to that first Christmas without her. The one Mathias was bringing them back to now, this first Christmas as separate households. This place was as much a part of their family as anything could be. All Mathias could hope was that being by the lake and back in the cabin would help Lukas the way he hadn't been able to.

They'd arrived in advance of Emil, who had naturally had to rely on the irregular travel arrangements he could make following exams. That wasn't a bad thing; they could get everything ready that way. Firewood, groceries, a little unpacking... then when they went to collect Emil, he could unpack whilst they made dinner.

It seemed so nice, and to see Emil back was such a great joy, so why was there this foreboding lump in Mathias's chest?

Lukas went out and sat by the lake after dinner, but Mathias was unsettled. He'd suggested it rather than Lukas just disappearing or even letting them know. It seemed very odd to him. Lukas had been very odd for quite a long while now. So Mathias tended to the fire and tried to get Emil to talk to him (which was about as much pulling of teeth as ever it was), and when Lukas came in he brought coffee and a blanket and got mostly ignored.

Things seemed to settle after two or so days. Lukas was a bit more like he used to be. Lukas sure looked a lot more like he used to, ethereal and glowing and holier than man. They went skating. Mathias put up lights and the others watched him with disparaging comments from below instead of antisocially from inside. They decorated the tree. Lukas and Emil caught up. Christmas came and went, and all was well.

New Year's came and went too. Mathias was denied his kiss, as always, and it was with the same abruptness and physical blockage as always and that more than anything reassured him. They saw Emil back off, and returned themselves for one more day before packing away home. 

When they were all packed up, though, and the cabin clean, Lukas didn't come join him at the car. Mathias wasn't surprised. He knew where he would find him. It was no surprise, stood by the lake, pale hair and skin glowing in the dark and moonlight just enough to make the cross hairpin glint. Mathias walked over, careful to make sound of moving but not sound himself, and prepared to stand in solidarity a time. What he wasn't prepared for was for Lukas to speak.

"It's time to go."

Mathias was taken aback. "Uh... yeah. But I figured you'd want some time here first. It's fine. I just thought I'd... y'know. Let you know I was here for you."

Lukas shook his head. He didn't take his gaze away from the water. "No, I meant... It's time for _us_ to go."

Mathias still didn't get it. "Yeah... but you can have a couple minutes, it's fine. That's why I brought you here in the first place."

Stupid, thick, genuine Mathias. Of course he'd never pick up on it. Lukas didn't want to have to be so blunt but he certainly wasn't one to drag out agony. He always ripped a bandage straight off.

  


"I'm not coming back, Mathias."

That foreboding feeling that had ate its way through him the whole holiday, the one he'd finally banished, burned through every nerve in his body. What...?

"I've already told Emil. There's nothing to worry about. You've got your bar to go back to. I'm going to stay in Norway."

"But-- Lukas, what--"

"There are some things in life that are out of our control. Things like who you fall in love with--" he was, after all, entirely and completely aware of the truth of the love Mathias never stopped spouting about him; it was a bit difficult not to be, "--and when it's time to go. It's time for you to go home, Mathias. Back to Denmark. You've got your bar and your friends. Emil's all grown up now; he'll be fine. It's time for me to go."

"But-- where will you even... Lukas, what do you mean? All your stuff-- You can't..." How? So sudden, so... 

"You took good care of us, Mathias. You don't have to anymore."

Mathias smacked his fist against his thigh. "It's not about that, Lukas! It was never about that. You're... you... I love _you_, Lukas, I don't _care_ if you need to be taken care of or not. Don't you... where will you even..."

Lukas still wouldn't look at him. Mathias wanted to think that made it even worse but in truth, the thing that made it worst of all was that he wasn't sure if that was actually true or not. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to bear the words he was hearing with cold, hard eyes on him too. Or eyes that weren't cold because he _knew_ there was something inside Lukas, he did, even if no one else saw. Lukas knew it too. He wouldn't look. "I know you love me. It's out of your control, like I said. But so is this. It's time. You've given us your life. Go ahead and enjoy it for yourself now. You've got the bar, you can have as much fun as you ever wanted."

"I _have_ enjoyed my life! What are you even thinking?" Angry, hurt tears were pricking at the corner of Mathias's eyes. "How can I enjoy the bar if I don't have you? I've done my living; you were the one that had to put things on hold, not me."

Lukas shook his head again and that stupid cross clip caught what little light there was. Mathias couldn't bear it, couldn't stand to hear what Lukas might say next, so he didn't give him the chance. "Do you honestly think, after all these years, I ever wanted a life without you around? It's been almost thirty years, Lukas, thirty years we've known each other. Thirty years you've been my life. What am I supposed to do? You _are_ my life; I can't handle losing you. What... why..."

"Sometimes it's just time," he answered quietly, and his stupid little voice didn't even have the guts to shake. Mathias hated him in that moment, more than he'd ever hated anyone before, and the sheer virility of it sent a sob through him in shock and horror and grief because it was at Lukas of all people.

Lukas turned, then, not because of the sound but in spite of it. "I'm home, Mathias. You said it, thirty years. It's time. Emil doesn't need me anymore. He's got his own life; he's settled. You've got Lars to watch you and your bar to watch over. I need to be here, Mathias, I always have. It's time to go."

He couldn't stop it now. How? Lukas was looking at him and even if there was some sort of sadness in the back of his eyes, there was no regret and no tears and he was just _standing there_, as if this bit of news--'sorry, Mathias, you brought me on this nice trip but actually it's not a trip and I'm never coming back again you can be alone the rest of your life'--was something he should have seen coming. Did he see it coming? Yeah, he did. A long time ago. He'd always hoped he'd die before it happened or that some miracle would keep Lukas from going. He'd been so distracted about the way he hadn't died in what would have been a perfect ending if not for the fact that Emil was too young to leave them that he'd forgotten he'd probably lost his only chance to be a legacy instead of a loser. But the anger and the grief were too much to handle and Mathias could hardly see from them clouding his one seeing eye in this night-lit sky, and Mathias had always been too emotional. Before he even knew what his hands were doing he was reaching out and shoving. Shoving at Lukas. Shoving Lukas right into the lake. "You _bastard_. Gudrunarson, they always said you never had a heart, but I insisted. I knew it was there! I gave you _everything_. I didn't _want_ anything. I tried to bring you back and to let you be home and I _know_ you weren't happy but the _least _you could have done was _told me!"_

Lukas had fast reactions. They were fast enough to beat an ageing ex-jæger. He stumbled a bit, took a few steps into the water; his boots got wet, but he stayed upright and stepped to the side and was otherwise untouched. And Mathias would be glad, later, but for now it just made it worse. Lukas didn't even bother to _answer_. A horrible, guttural roar came out of Mathias and he shoved at Lukas again. Lukas took it, stepped, and stayed upright. Again. Mathias had never beaten him and Mathias never would. He roared again, a roar of grief, and fell to his knees in front of Lukas's feet. For a long time he just sobbed and roared, one hand curled over his face and the other pounding into the rocks, and then the anger finally seeped out and he just leaned forward into Lukas's legs and shoes.

"I hate you," he sobbed, "I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. My whole life... your whole life. We built it together, you bastard, why... I love you. Don't leave me." It turned to begging. Desperate pleas, agony-filled and without hope. "Don't leave me. Please, please, don't go. You don't have to come back but just don't go."

It didn't even make any sense, but how could it? Nothing in this world did. Just twenty minutes ago Mathias had been prepared to go back home with his best friend, the love of his life, the other piece of his soul, after a Christmas holiday. A holiday to bring peace to Lukas, a holiday he'd set up purely so Lukas would feel better. Maybe, he thought sardonically, that objective had worked out. Except now Mathias would be the one without peace. Now Mathias would go back to a cold, empty house, broken, unloved, lost, and alone. Nothing to be done for him. No one to be there. The only one that had ever been there more out of reach than he had ever been their entire lives.

Lukas didn't say a thing. He waited out Mathias's pleas until they were nothing but hiccups and tears. But he stood there. He stood there, out in the dark and cold, wet boots being made wetter by Mathias. He let Mathias have it out. And when Mathias finally sagged, he bent down and pulled the thin glove off the big oaf's hand. "Idiot. You need your hand cleaned now, look. Rock is always going to beat hand, especially when your glove barely even counts as one." And he nudged Mathias to his feet to guide him back into the closed-up cabin where the first aid kit waited.

There was silence as Lukas rinsed his hand, the water long gone cold with the fire put out. Mathias barely felt it. The silence reigned as they re-lit the lamp and sat at the table for Lukas to cover the scrapes. It was broken only after he started wrapping them. "I'm not saying I'm cutting all ties, stupid. I'm just not going back to Denmark. Obviously I'll be back at least once; it's not like I boxed up all my things and brought them with me. But I'm going to stay here now. I have enough. You have enough."

Lukas's bedside manner had never been very skilful. Mathias was too far gone to really do anything about it. Lukas carried on anyway. "I have savings from when I was working. You always wanted me to go." 

Not like this. Never like this. Mathias couldn't even shake his head, though. 

"You'll be fine."

And just like that, Lukas finished with his hand. He let go and went to put the kit away without even a squeeze of the fingers but Mathias wouldn't have that. Before Lukas could pull all the way away and escape forever he reached out, grabbed; held on tight. The tears clogged up his throat and his eyes pricked and he couldn't breathe so he couldn't speak, but it didn't matter. It didn't matter because bloody Lukas let him squeeze for a few seconds and then unpeeled his fingers, one by one, to do his task and put out the light. Then he ushered Mathias to the car where the only bag Lukas had brought was sat waiting innocuously on the ground instead of in the boot.

He closed the door on Mathias. He stepped back. He stood there, arms at his side, and murmured one more time, 'it's time to go.' It didn't matter Mathias couldn't hear it, not with the door shut and the windows up. He could see it and even if he hadn't been looking he'd have known exactly what line Lukas was trying to feed him. His eyes pricked and he smacked the steering wheel and cursed all that was mighty as he reversed. And what parting did he get? A little nod of the chin in his direction as he drove past.

And that was that.

It wasn't safe to drive like this, tears in his eyes and anger in his hands. He was gripping the wheel so tight the leather was creaking. Mathias pulled into a lay-by as soon as he could and sat there a long while, long enough to run through every curse he could think of and out of any water spare. Long enough that he had to speed to make it to the airport in time to return the car and get through security to their flight. Their flight. He had a guarantee no one would be sitting beside him now. But guess what? There would be no other options, because that was what happened when it was time to go.

It was out of his control, because the one he'd fallen in love with was the one who said when it was time to go.

**Author's Note:**

> The name Guðrún comes from its mythological Norse namesake who, in revenge upon her second husband for killing her brothers, killed her sons by him and fed him their hearts before slaying him. As Lukas and to a lesser extent Emil are known for being heartless, this name's associated legend rendered it rather irresistible to me. Guðrún is the ancient Scandinavian and modern Icelandic form; Gudrun is the Norwegian and Danish version and thus why Mathias uses this spelling when he shouts at Lukas. Using the matronym here is intended as an insult meaning heartless in direct relation to the legend because Mathias is a nerd for viking and oral histories.
> 
> They don't feature in this story, but Tino and Berwald are married properly and adopted Peter, who is a child Arthur accidentally produced during his black-sheep-rebel-teenager phase and convinced all his (half-)brothers is his half-brother by his father whom the rest do not share seeing as their mother was already dead. Peter put himself up for sale on eBay. Tino and Berwald acquired him whilst in the UK at the same time as Lukas and Mathias (Tino being a sniper until he transferred to a safer and more boring job after adopting the kid) and have now returned to Sweden.
> 
> Lars also holds a very deep-seated grudge against his best bud for having given his life to a man he thinks is taking advantage of him instead of marrying his little sister so that no man could ever take advantage of her. Lukas isn't taking advantage of Mathias as much as Lars thinks, but Mathias holds him on such a high pedestal it's hard to do anything. Their relationship is heavily influenced by the one in Gutters. If you haven't read it, I wholeheartedly recommend it. Mathias's blind eye is an homage to that fic. 
> 
> This came out mostly from Mathias's point of view so there wasn't much chance to display Lukas's, especially since he doesn't emote much. He's not trying to be cruel. Lukas has had no say in the greater portion of most of his life and he's had to put up with a lot through it. His natural habitat is meant to be a hermit's cabin in the woods away from all civilisation, quite likely located on the moon or some other planet, and the call of the rest of his alien clan or the spirits of the wood or whatever other non-human entities to whom he actually belongs was just too strong to resist once everyone else had gone down their own paths and he had his first-ever chance to go rejoin them. This was rather out of his control too.


End file.
